We all wonder why we're here from time to time. Thoughts turn to the purpose of our own existence, and each of us circles round in different spirals of absurdity, nihilism or religion. I don't know the meaning of life, I often doubt that there is one beyond the fact that life exists. I've always claimed to be agnostic... I guess atheism just seems too restrictive a stance for me, so we'll go with that. Agnostic. Sure, why not? I certainly don't believe in a God that looks or behaves like a human. But the universe, I believe in that, and I believe that love is the greatest force in it. Ugh, how schmaltzy, but there we go.
This morning has me feeling all reflective. I am happy at this time in my life even though I don't know what it means. I think one must be content with that. Sometimes I envy people who are certain about these things. It must give one confidence to be so sure about one's life and its meaning. I can't remember a time when the path has ever seemed clear to me. But then, I am incapable of closing myself off from possibility. There is a real beauty and depth that comes when one's heart remains open to it all. In saying that, there are paths I could never take in spite of them being open to me - like that one that promised a law degree at the end of it when I was younger, or the one that kept me in the public service, or the one that had me as a phone counsellor, in administration, a marriage celebrant! Yes, I have taken steps towards a more conventional career many, many times. But I always turned back from these paths because my heart was not in them.
You know, the path that has connected all others has been creativity. Ever since I was a little girl I have drawn, painted, stitched, glued, written journals and poems and prose. It is the only thing that has ever made any sense and I can't rightly explain why. This isn't to say that I've always felt very good at being a creative soul, and even now I feel like I'm a novice in many ways! But for 45 years I've never stopped making things and I can't imagine my life any other way.
So, this is where meaning is rooted for me - in the act of creation. I guess creation denotes momentum, flow, construction, action and 'doing' of some kind. Creation is tantamount to existence in so many ways. I don't mean in a theological way, but in a very real way. I guess also that destruction carries the same potency. Perhaps the cycle of creation and destruction is one that keeps the planets turning. Again, I do not know.
Anyway, I can't recall the point to this thought train. I don't think I actually had one. But I do know that it was in part prompted by the beautiful, evocative short film below. I'll leave you with it. Enjoy. xx
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